10 bad things about being a single mom

I have a wonderful online friend who has expressed a desire to maybe possibly have a baby one day. It's just an urge right now--she hasn't done anything about it (not since we last chatted anyways), but she jokingly asked her online friends today to talk her out of her current baby craze. We're not sure she wants to be talked out of it, of course, and between you (the 1 or 100 people who may or not read this) and me, I think she'd be an incredible mom.

So, although I absolutely love my kid (99% of the time) I thought I'd help her out.

Here ya go!

10 Bad things about being a single mom

1) It's 8:30 at night. You look in the fridge and realize there is NOTHING to eat...baby is sleeping (probably for the first time in hours, which is why there is no food in the house, because you are completely exhausted). You can't go out to to store without waking the baby (oh dear God, no) so you eat crackers.

2) Friends invite you over. They insist you bring the baby, because they want you to feel comfortable and realize your social life isn't going to change (ha!). Baby freaks out the whole time (or worse, toddler freaks out the whole time) and you don't know if you should stay and deal with it or leave. You, who have always felt comfortable with these close friends, suddenly feel self-conscious about how you're handling this. You, the capable woman who has always had a ton of self-confidence, are now a mom. Plus, your breasts are leaking and you cry all the time and you feel fat.

3) Everyone you know loves babies and tells you they will babysit for you anytime you need them. Until you actually get up the nerve to call and ask them.

4) You are tired ALL THE TIME, and you cry more than you ever have in your life, and you wish you had a partner who could give you a fucking break or just hug you or rub your back because sometimes you hate this kid with every fibre of your being, and you hate yourself for hating this adorable little crying pink puff-ball who seems to be out to get you and you look at it and it's all red and puffy from crying for who knows what (you've tried everything) and you just want someone to hug you and tell you it'll be ok, you're a good mom, and maybe it would be nice if the person hugging you had sex with you later.

5) Except you don't want to have sex. But you do. But you really don't.

6) Your stomach is poochy and wrinkly.

7) Babies spit stuff on you and then they laugh at you.

8) You're at a cafe, because for the first time in months, a friend has given you a break. You are totally freaked out about leaving the baby with someone but you know rationally that the baby will survive. Still, your breasts aren't listening so you have to wear three disposable pads on each side and you still have leakage coming through your shirt. You are flirting with someone and he/she seems interested and then somehow the baby comes up in conversation and suddenly he/she finds a reason to disappear. Instantly.

9) You might be forced to hang out with people you don't like at all because you have children the same age, and they want to talk about Baby Gap and nutrition all the time.

10) You begin to feel like your mother.

But of course, there IS that nice baby head smell, and the giggling, and the way they cling to you and nuzzle up like Koala bears and all that other stuff to think about too. =)