Your neighbours, your friends, limiting what you say, wanting to feel proud and yet wanting to talk about what's real to you, what you experience, wanting to make the writing pure, wanting to love your friends and still reveal those goofy quirks you observe that you hate and you adore, wanting to share what you are doing, what you are excited about, what you are most proud of, and what you are most ashamed of. Wanting to be true to what you felt happened and still respect that this is only your perspective and possibly not everyone else's experience of the subject.
I felt all this, with such sadness and affection, and wanting to be true to my experience of my friend and still knowing that one day she might see this and feel hurt by the way I recall an experience we shared, and I ask myself, did I need to share this experience? Do I have to put this out there? Was this really something that happened to me that is important for people to respond to?
I want to write about my experiences. I want to share my experiences because I love them. I need to write because I need to see my perspective in the written word in order to make sense of it. I need to share how I feel on paper and yet not feel limited as to what is safe to write about. And that scares me. Because if I really write what I think, and if I really write from the purest part of me, I might be fucking great. And people I meet might be terrified of revealing their personalities. And I would have no friends. And I would no longer have anything to write about.
4 comments:
Hey, awesome postings!! =)
I have also created new blogs.
Yah might wanna check them out now..
My webpage is also burnin with some cool stuffs!
A real dilemna! I've greatly enjoyed your posts because you have a great storytelling style, and I can easily see and hear what you write, it's so vivid.
I know what you mean about being true. I've been thinking that my blogs are deadly dull and boring because I am censoring myself. Do I really want my family and friends to read what I'm thinking and feeling?
If you figure it out, please let me know! In the meantime, keep writing--just maybe not posting it on your blog!
I know that dilemma, Katie. I was inhibited from writing about stuff for years because I was always afraid of my mother being hurt by it. I have a friend who is an amazing writer in her email/online mode, but everytime she tries to "shape" it for a different audience, the voice becomes coy and cloying, completely drained of all its strutting fullbodied vitality. All I can say is... write for yourself, for us, or for the interbunny at large, and then decide where to "publish" it. You have an amazing voice.
Wow--thanks you guys. Weas--you are always so supportive.
mitziebitchie and simplyfine--I can't get over how cool it is that people I don't know actually enjoy this stuff. I'll try to have a look at your blogs soon--looking forward to it.
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