What is it about my face?

I got on the bus today and recognized the bus driver. He's the friendly guy. He knows my name. He knows everyone's name. He can talk down a pissed-off passenger. He's nice to crazy old people. He smiles and thanks everyone when they get off the bus. When he asks you how your day is going, it seems like he's actually interested. Sometimes he's very chatty with me, which is nice, except it means that I get stuck standing at the front of the bus talking to him while he goes on and on about his kids. Still, he's friendly and he has one hell of a hard job, and we all need a little civility on this planet, I think, so what's the harm in standing for 15 minutes, right?

So today he starts telling me about his best friend who happens to be a woman, and how she did something years ago that really pissed him off, but he never told her what it was. He walked around carrying this anger at her and resenting her for it, and the whole time she was totally unaware that he was even upset about this. I have no idea why he decided to unload all this on me--we only have a superficial "how's your day going?" kind of relationship. But he obviously needed to tell someone, so I listened while he went on about how she was so surprised that he'd been angry with her and she asked him why he never said anything, and then he realized if only he'd communicated this to her, he could have stopped walking around with all this anger. Which is great--good for him. He and his friend are now back on track and he's asked her to forgive him for not trusting her enough to let her know he was upset with her. But still...kind of a weird thing to tell a passenger, right?

Ok, though. He's probably bored. All he does is drive around all day and talk to strangers and many of them probably act like he doesn't exist, even though they put their lives in his hands once a day. Again, no skin off my back if he wants to unload a bit on me.

Then he starts telling me about his kids and how he and his wife home-school them. That's cool. Not my bag, but then again, I don't have a partner at home who could give me this option for my son. Still, it's all interesting--he's really into it. He tells me all about the bible stories he and his kids read together and how it's great because the kids learn to read, but they also learn a "moral lesson" based on "factual events" that they can draw on when they run into problems in life.

Um, ok. Again...so NOT my bag, but he's a nice guy. Obviously he loves his kids and is proud of them, and who am I to judge?

So I make the mistake of telling him I'm not religious. Because I'm a moron.

Then I have to listen to him explain how it's not about religion. It's about spirituality and values and God's love. Again, hey man, that's cool for you. Good on ya and all that jazz. I so don't want to be discussing this on a bus, but whatever. He seems really happy to be talking to me. And that's good for him. I'm glad to help, even though I'm becoming a little uncomfortable.

I try and steer him off the spirituality talk and back to the homeschool stuff because I figure that's safer territory and I can more easily feign interest in that. I ask about field trips. He gets excited and tells me about all the cool stuff they do, and I have to say, it does sound fun. They go on nature hikes, fishing, they visit fire stations. So I tell him about how I've heard the recycling depot does field trip tours for schools, and he is psyched about the idea and how it would really stand out in his kids' minds and make them understand how important it is to recycle. And I'm pleased that he's so excited to learn about this. And we're at my stop at the university, where the buses sit for several minutes.

So, I'm at the exit of the bus right next to him, ready to run and get a coffee before I head to class, and he tells me about his friend who owns a cafe and they run a fair-trade coffee co-op. Very cool. I'm into that. And he says he's really into supporting small business, especially those that respect cultures and make an effort like those that sell fair trade coffee. Again, right on. I'm down with that.

Then he says he doesn't like these big businesses like Starbucks. I nod. Lots of people don't like Starbucks. I'll admit to buying a cafe mocha there here and there, but generally, I do make an effort to buy coffee from independent places that sell fair trade brands, so I have no issues with what he's saying. It's all good. Nice guy, smiley friendly bus driver. Loves his kids and supports small businesses. Good for him. And he says, "I don't like the kind of lifestyle Starbucks promotes."

And I think, "Yeah, a lot of people feel that way. Big business, squeezing out the moms and pops, popping up on every corner of our ever-growing consumeristic more more now now bigger better culture. It's not a great lifestyle to promote, I guess. I should be more aware of this stuff. I should be more determined to think about what I consume." So I keep nodding and smiling. I'm thinking about running to the independent coffee place on campus right now actually, but he's talking into the short time I have between departing the bus stop and class.

Again he says, "I don't like the lifestyle Starbucks promotes," and I nod and smile and step towards the door again, hoping he'll take a breath for a second so I can say, "nice talking to you, I've got to run!" but he keeps going. "I might be overstepping my bounds," he says, so happy to have a kindred spirit in me, "but gay marriage is wrong. A child needs a mother and a father--a boy without a dad will not grow up to be masculine. A girl without a mom will not be feminine. That's a fact. That's the kind of lifestyle Starbucks promotes."

I'm stunned. I stand there, literally speechless. What is it about my face that makes someone think that I might possibly agree with that? Why on earth would he say something like that to someone he barely knows? What do I say?


Nothing. I said nothing. I was so tired. I had to get to class. I didn't know what to say. I thought about the fact that I'm a single mom whose son doesn't have a man and a woman raising him together. I thought about the fact that I have more gay friends than straight, and they deal with shit like this all the time. I got off the bus and felt sad and defeated. I waved to my former favourite bus driver, who smiled happily at me and shouted, "It was great talking to you, Katie!"

I bought a coffee from the independent coffee seller on campus and told the cute coffee guy about it, and we shook our heads and rolled our eyes at each other.... then I wandered across campus to my queer film studies class feeling totally disturbed and angry at myself for not speaking up.